I woke up this morning heavily drowning in insecurity. I spent most of my life drowning in it so I can spot the old friend creeping up in me almost immediately. I don’t follow appropriate guidelines in my life. I tend to say whatever I think with no filter. But I wasn’t always like that. For years, I never said anything. I kept to myself in fear of being judged, scrutinized, whatever it may be. And for many years of my life I lived in a fog of depression. BUT, something happened to me.
You see, I was brought up in church. We went every Sunday morning, every Sunday night, every Wednesday night. I knew every Bible story, we said grace before every meal. I went down to the front to receive Jesus as my Savior when I was 9. Got baptized at 11. The whole enchilada. But Jesus really wasn’t my Savior...
And it wasn’t until years later that He really became that to me. Yes, I always believed I was a sinner and He died on the cross to save me and give me eternal life. But my experience with Him saving me was quite different than anything I had been taught growing up. You see, it became very personal to me when I lived in that fog of depression. I have a family history of depression. And, for whatever reason I found myself wanting to end my life. There was no big event that happened to me, no tragedy, no sickness, just everyday life seemed so overwhelming. I longed for peace, rest, happiness, all the things that just seemed out of my grasp no matter how hard I tried to attain them.
HE SAVED ME and He used relationships to do that. He brought people (too many to count) across my path that continued to point me to Himself. The more people I opened myself up to, the free-er I became. So, years later I’m still practicing that.
I won’t expose you to the ridiculous circumstance that led to the fog I woke up in this morning, but I will tell you that I picked up the phone and called a friend and we had a silly conversation which helped me remember...I’m okay. I’m ok with me...and He can use that. You see, when He saved me, when He reached His almighty saving arm into my fog and pulled me out and replaced all that darkness with joy and laughter. I love to laugh, it REALLY is the very best medicine. He saves me with JOY!
“See God has come to save me. I will trust in Him and not be afraid. The Lord God is my strength and my song; He has given me victory. With JOY you will drink deeply from the fountain of salvation! In that wonderful day you will sing: Thank the Lord! Praise His name! Tell the nations what He has done. Let them know how mighty He is! Sing to the Lord, for He has done wonderful things” Isaiah 12:2-5
And then today, as I was mopping my kitchen while the little people who live here were chasing each other and using their suckers as swords, He reminded me that He gave me laughter that day when He rescued me from taking myself too seriously. And yes, even my inappropriateness, as a gift. To make others laugh and even sometimes to make them feel like it’s okay. It’s okay to be you. He made you, not only does He love you, He really LIKES you! So let’s be serious when we need to be...and otherwise...laugh your ass off as often as possible.
L.
No comments:
Post a Comment