I have a new favorite song. Only listened to it all day everyday for the past 5 days. I will post the link to the video at the end of this post.
The song stirred some things in me. Things like my friend who has a debilitating disease that affects her movement, the pain so great it prevents her from sleeping. She, only one year older than me, with 2 young boys and a husband, have a team of people helping them with daily tasks, the simple ones that I take for granted but that are insurmountable ones for her. But her faith is like none I have seen, except in Bible stories. She is unwavering, not questioning God, not bitter, just loving Him, thanking Him, worshipping Him, praising Him.
Then I have friends who have been labeled barren. I have too many of these friends, yet one would be enough. Heart-breaking, heart wrenching. What comes so easily without the slightest struggle for MILLIONS seems impossible for these. I say SEEMS impossible because even though that has been the label used by doctors, I know that only He is the giver of life.
Then I have friends who are the most courageous people I have known. The ones who have lost a child. These friends have looked my worst fear right in the face and not just survived...but thrived in the only One who can truly comfort and heal. I know for them the days are long and the nights even longer. I have been a witness to their pain and their triumphs and I am continually in AWE of their unshaken faith when to be honest, I have been shaken at much less.
My hubs and I have what we like to call "Red Chair Time". We have red adirondack chairs on our patio where we sit at night after we put the littles to bed. This is the place where we can connect after long days and sometimes, long weeks. We talk about everything under the sun... funny stories about the kids, his career joys and frustrations, our schedules, our fears, politics (his choice, not mine...blah blah blah) what we feel like God is doing and saying about anything and everything. I usually talk for an hour straight while he listens and nods, not dare interrupting his talkative wife...after 15 years of marriage, he knows I how roll and I will talk myself into a tizzy and then back out of one. He knows I will come full circle.
Last night though was different. He asked me a question and it got my heart doing it's usual pondering. The question itself I will keep to myself. But it did get me thinking how many times I have tried to bend God to my reasoning? How many times have I attempted to put Him in a box where I can make sense of circumstances and put definition to how He moves and works in the earth using my human mind to appease myself and others. Measuring my own limited understanding to His matchless ways of weaving the ugly parts of life together to create beauty. I don't have to understand...I couldn't anyway. But I want to rest my hope on Him.
Psalm 27...I'm pondering this...drinking it. I wish I had a conclusion. I wish I could say I never waver, my knees don't get weak when pain, fear, and uncertainty come. But He is there...always calling "Come to me". He doesn't fill me in on all the details of His weaving...but yet I'm always assured by His presence. He's good even when my emotions are in opposition to His word. He's good and I'm setting my hope on Him.
This is worth nine minutes of your life:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPQqhc2e6ww
L.
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