Sitting In Wait

If you are like me, waiting is hard.  We have a pick-up line at my daughter's school.  Her teacher walks her right to my car every afternoon.  Whoever is first in line gets their kid first and so on.  I can always see my daughter but it might be a few minutes before she actually gets in the car, even though she is no more than 15 feet from me.  I sometimes wanna yell "come on! It's ok just run over here and get in."  But those aren't the rules.  The teacher has to physically walk them to the car and help them get in.  It's a small private school so it works.  It would be so easy to over rule them and tell my kiddo to run on over but I have to respect how they operate things.  

This seemingly insignificant act got me thinking...how many times have I done something MY way because it was easier?  In particular, dealing with loved ones who might be hurting, grieving, or walking through a difficult season in their life.  It's our human response to want to help, bring comfort, or ease the pain.  But some pains cannot be eased by us.  And then sometimes, it's not about easing the pain but just being there for the one you love.   And sometimes "being there" is not really being present with them at all, but being available to them.  People are different.  We know this.  We are created with great care and detail by our Creator.  No one is like you and you are like no one else.  And we all handle things differently.  If you know me, then you know I am kind of like Batman.  No, I do not go out at night masquerading as a vigilante.  But like Batman, I have a certain way of dealing with my pain and sometimes I set up camp in my bat cave.  I hide.  I process...alone.  I am an external processor but not always with people.  Sometimes, it involves just me and God.  I cry with people and sometimes I prefer to cry alone.  Those closest to me, know this.  And they respect this.  While I know it is difficult for them, they put what and how I walk through pain before themselves.  They love me the way I need to be loved.  It's about me, not them.  They do not let me lay a foundation and build a house in my cave but they will give me the time I need to camp there temporarily.  And when its time for me to leave, they know it.  Sometimes I come out willingly and sometimes they drag me out.  But they are always there calling me up to move from one place to another. Higher ground.  Never leaving me to rot in the cave, but also respecting my boundaries and letting me be.  

And even though my friends have shown graceful restraint with me, I must confess that I have busted through people boundaries with my own selfishness leading the charge.  I have not respected people's space.  And this is so important.  When we overstep, I believe it comes from a good place.  You want to love, you want to help, but when we put ourselves ahead of others it becomes about your comfort and not theirs. We see that loving and being there for someone can look different.  It doesn't have to be the way we see it or even the way we would want it to look like if we were the one in pain.  

Lately, I am getting several opportunities to learn what this looks like.  And it is really no fun at all but extremely valuable.  Being available is so important.  It seems to me that's how God operates.  He is gentle, never forcing Himself yet He is always available to us.  Waiting with great anticipation to comfort us, hold us, shower us with peace, collect our tears.

I am not going to attempt to do what only God can do.  But I will do my very best to be available to people.  To love them in the form they need it and He can show us how to do that if we make ourselves available to HIM.

L.